Being a stay at home blogger has its benefits. And by “stay at home blogger,” I of course mean “that 24-year-old Jewish kid who lives with his parents in his childhood New Jersey home while he tries to build a Hip Hop site.” Guys, jealousy is a very ugly trait—contain your envy.
As I lean back in my chair, searching for inspiration, I get slapped in the face by déjà vu like Denzel Washington in that shitty movie, Déjà Vu, from adolescent landmarks: the Wilt Chamberlain jersey hanging on my wall; several participation athletic trophies; a picture of me and my boys on prom night (my stupid smile in that photo foreshadows losing my stubborn virginity that night…). The situational resemblances are eerily uncanny to high school: my mom cooks me dinner; I drive a 2005 Chrysler minivan; I hide my weed from my parents; I get caught smoking weed by my parents; getting laid is more difficult than trigonometry—you know, high school. You might be sitting there thinking, “wait, I thought he said there were benefits to being a ‘stay at home blogger’?” There are—my apologies for the tangent.
Despite circulating in a nostalgic carousel, there are high points: I get to work on my passion; I no longer wish that a bus would hit me on my walk to work; and I get to search the internet endlessly—that wasn’t intended to be a not-so-subtle way of discussing my porn habits… While researching potential stories on the inter-webs, I came across an incredible page: a petition to have Migos replace Lady Gaga at the Super Bowl halftime show.
This easily contends for one of my favorite causes, and I once signed a petition to eradicate NJ sex offenders. Having Migos perform at Super Bowl LI is strategic on multiple levels: sheer entertainment value, increased fan participation, expanded international presence, all resulting in a ratings spike (which the NFL desperately needs). It’s mind-boggling that Roger Goodell could even fathom a different act than Migos, especially Lady Gaga. I understand my blinding bias, but, Lady Gaga? Really? I guess Goodell’s poor judgment is fitting, considering he’s cut from the same douche-nozzle, idiotic, mentally unstable cloth as Donald Trump. Aside from my personal interest in watching Migos light up Houston, there are objective, grand business incentives as well.
For starters, Migos hail from the trap capital, Atlanta. Who’s this year’s NFC contender? Oh right, the Atlanta Falcons (there’s always next year, Big Blue.) Presumably, a decent portion of this year’s audience will have an Atlanta rooting interest, meaning that they would enjoy watching a group of three young men represent their home city. Municipal patriotism would play a strong role in increased fan cheering and participation, cementing the halftime show’s memorability—not as memorable as 2004’s “Nipplegate,” but entertaining nevertheless. Also, the Super Bowl’s Houston location—a vibrant Hip Hop city—suggests that there will be an influx of Hip Hop patrons in attendance, further validating the need for Migos and stretching the question of Lady Gaga's performance. However, Migos’ popularity isn’t exclusive to their hometown or Houston; they’re one of today’s most influential groups.
Even if you haven’t listened to Migos directly, you’ve encountered them one way or another—they’re becoming cultural icons right before our eyes. Everyone's aware of “the dab”—a dance move started by the Migos, and killed by white people (what else is new?). While the move is simplistic in execution, its modular utilization is a universal physical exclamation point. Just got an A on your test? Dab. Just fucked that girl you’ve been chasing? Dab. Just got a negative pregnancy test from that girl you just fucked? Dab. Can you imagine how many whiplash victims there would be at this year’s Super Bowl from the surplus of dabbing? The crowd would resemble a bizarre Nazi march (oxymoron?), which would be all too fitting given our current president. Migos are highly charismatic and energizing individuals, proven by their zestful concerts that span international boundaries.
Have you ever seen a Migos show? Not even attended a concert, but just watched one? They’re mesmerizing. Their ability to extract a crowd’s energy and internalize it to fuel their performance is remarkable. They serve as an escape for people who are desperately fleeing from their humdrum lives, seeking any semblance of enjoyment. Every performance I’ve watched share these commonalities: vivacious, borderline insane audiences; deafening mumbles attempting to recite their lyrics; the earth’s tectonic plates prying apart as “Bad and Boujee” comes on. During a performance in Nigeria, “Bad and Boujees’” viral, spirited hook boomed out of the speakers, and was met by an even more spirited crowd response. The Migos not only hurdle language barriers, they stomp on them.
The NFL is actively trying to increase its international presence. Beginning their global initiative back in 2005 with a Cardinals - 49ers Mexico City-based matchup, the organization has developed this foreign endeavor by implementing a London series at Wembley Stadium, with designs to expand to England’s Twickenham Stadium, and the under construction Northumberland Park. Recently, it was announced that the contending AFC Super Bowl team, the Patriots, will face-off against the young, exciting Oakland Raiders at Mexico City’s Estadio Azteca next season. If international expansion is the game, then Migos are some of the most fitting players. Their exponential rise has afforded them a strong international following, evidenced by their consistently sold out foreign concerts, and over 16-million global monthly Spotify listeners, making them the the world’s 42nd most listened to act (48 spots and six-million listeners ahead of Lady Gaga). But since football is essentially America’s biggest microcosm, why is the NFL so focused on expanding internationally? Simple: more eyeballs means higher ratings, equaling more money. Goodell loves money.
In late 2016, Sports Illustrated reported that relative to 2015, Monday Night Football is down 24%, Sunday Night Football is down 19%, and Thursday night is down 18%. External factors, like the presidential election, certainly took an effect, but ratings have never been so negatively impacted from an outside event, effectively giving Goodell a surplus of fear boners. Of course the Super Bowl is an exception, and will, as it always has, attract the majority of America’s eyeballs. However, Migos playing the halftime show would increase the NFL’s international ratings, setting a precedent for future global endeavors, as well as potentially rebranding the NFL’s “No Fun League” image that has castrated its players—which also has arguably played a role in decreased ratings. International expansion and a more entertaining atmosphere will directly lead to increased ratings. As a result, Migos can singlehandedly increase the NFL’s ratings. Roger Goodell! Are you listening? If you want more money, hire the Migos to perform at halftime! It’s elementary!
As I stated earlier, I’m incredibly biased because I like the Migos and I think Lady Gaga is a repugnant whore. But objectively, employing the Migos for this performance makes logical and fiscal sense. They’d be representing their home city who’s fighting for the Lombardi trophy; they’re potentially a better fit for Houston given the city’s Hip Hop ties; their infectious energy would incentivize increased fan participation; they have an undeniable international grip, which the NFL is desperately chasing. This all will culminate in a ratings spike, and fatter pockets for Goodell. I repeat: Goodell, are you listening?!
If you, like me, share these feelings, please visit Change to support the petition. As Ghandi once said, “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” (Did this guy really just quote Ghandi in an article about requesting Migos to perform at the Super Bowl halftime, while asking the question in the third person? Yes, yes he did.)